Buckle up…
So this one will probably be a doozy. And if I’d really thought through my blogging (which I don’t since this is a personal blog really) I probably should have put this one before the Breeding post and the Primal Play post since both of those kind of go along with the idea of BDSM. Too late now so let’s dive in, shall we?
Getting started
BDSM is defined as “bondage, discipline (or domination), sadism (or submission), masochism; sexual activity that involves, for example, tying a partner up, games in which one partner controls another, or giving and receiving pain for pleasure”. BDSM is not all about pain, and for many, it is about the exchange of power and control between partners. Heck, BDSM isn’t even exclusively sexual! There are BDSM exchanges that are completely asexual. That said, pain and power exchanges are commonly part of even the most vanilla and heteronormative sexual encounters; biting, spanking, roleplaying, or pinning a partner down are all examples of small exchanges of power or pain. What BDSM does is codify these exchanges into explicit terms that players use for negotiating their scene or their relationship so that there is mutual understanding of expectations.
Studies have found links between high levels of sensation-seeking (either thrill seeking, experience seeking, or distraction seeking) behaviors and BDSM practitioners. One study found that up to 40% of practitioners use BDSM as a coping mechanism (See Psychology of Kink below for more information).
BDSM is also still one of the most misunderstood and demonized forms of consensual sexual activity. As someone who promotes mental health, this is probably one of the more distressing aspects of BDSM lifestyle. Many therapists are still biased and misinformed about BDSM and as a result may not provide appropriate care to clients who are practitioners. Even worse, some may make negative remarks about the lifestyle and not consider such behavior inappropriate! As an advocate of mental health, that thought drives me bonkers! If you want or need therapy and you say to your therapist that you are a practitioner of BDSM and they get any kind of attitude to make you feel like you’re ‘wrong’ or there is something ‘deviant’ about you, FIND A NEW THERAPIST!!!
Terms
BDSM: umbrella term for any practice, usually sexual in nature, that involves use of physical or psychological control, power, or pain
SSC: stands for “Safe, Sane, Consensual”, ideal standards for any BDSM encounter
Safe word: agreed upon word or phrase that can be said to stop a scene immediately; commonly attributed to submissives but can also be used by Doms
Scene: BDSM activity or encounter
Submissive: someone who submits to a Dominant person in a BDSM relationship or scene (a sub)
Dominant: person who has authority in a BDSM relationship or scene (a Dom, Domme, Domina)
Consent: agreeing to certain acts in a BDSM scene or relationship
Contract: arrangement that outlines rules and structures of a BDSM relationship
Protocol: rule or rules that people practicing BDSM agree to follow
More terms to know about BDSM can be found here.
OG, NG, EG, what?
So BDSM seems to be kind of split into groups: Old Guard and New Guard and Emerging Guard. I’m not going to deep dive the history and the meanings and protocols themselves here. Finding this information is actually pretty easy if you’re a decent Google-detective. I will post some links towards the bottom though, for those curious and not wanting a deep dive.
The Old Guard are those who identify with a very clear and formal hierarchy of service and practice in BDSM, think military-style. It is not uncommon to find they believe that you work your way up through the community and “earn” the right to be a Dom by starting as a submissive. Essentially, seniority is determined by experience not preference. Members of the Old Guard tend to be your more stereotypical 24/7 Master/slave D/s dynamics. The traditions center around safewords and etiquette and ritual and protocol. The Old Guard were the ones that codified the idea of collaring and contracts between Doms and subs.
The New Guard seems to be a more casual take on BDSM, lower-protocol and less demanding. They seem to place less emphasis on strict adherence to protocol at all times. That being said, they still have protocols and rituals. This is an older article but it has a list (because we know I adore lists) of tips for improving or exploring BDSM as a New Guard member.
Key differences between OG and NG is the relaxing of protocol. For instance, OG submissives are expected to always address their Dom/me by their proper title. In NG it may not be required based on the dynamic and relationship agreed to by the D/s involved. The NG seems to be the adaption to a faster-paced community and a more interconnected world. D/s relationships can now take place almost, if not, exclusively online from half a globe away. The same protocols that worked for the OG do not always translate to these kinds of interactions but these individuals still want to be in these relationships. So they adapt.
Now, some say that mentorship is something inherent in the OG but I consider myself more in the NG and I see clear cases of mentorship occurring between members of that group so I feel this is not strictly speaking a sign of being a member of either group. Perhaps the idea of the formal mentorship might be more obvious in OG groups than it is in NG.
Also, as a small footnote on the topic, the idea of the Old Guard did originate post-WWII in America so, generally, even those that identify as OG in modern times are not really OG in the standards and terms that the group began with.
BDSM and media
BDSM has been around for years, mostly as a sub-cultural phenomenon. As an alternative sexuality, it has been present in mainstream media for more than 20 years. Despite the presence of alternative sexualities in mainstream media, including BDSM, there is still no evidence to indicate that it has shifted the general population’s opinion or acceptance of these alternatives. But the examples in media also are packaged and commodified into something that is both “exciting and other as well as conventional and everyday”.
…the visibility of BDSM is not directly connected to acceptance, tolerance and sexual freedom, because the
~Dilemmas of a Subculture
acceptance through mainstream media is predicated on normalization and some modes of understanding on the
contrary reinforce the division of sexuality into normal/abnormal, privileged/policed and healthy/pathological
However, the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey (a work of so-called ‘literature’ I personally found to be poorly written and more than a little bit disgusting in its inaccurate and uninformed stereotypical depiction of BDSM) has pushed it into more mainstream media. Unfortunately, this seems to have given rise to a slew of would-be practitioners who don’t actually know squat about BDSM. However, it’s hard to have clear boundaries between BDSM practitioners and non-practitioners since anyone can emulate BDSM ideas and techniques and gain pleasure from them. Further, the difference between commodified BDSM and BDSM as a lifestyle is getting blurred not only in the material sense, but also in the language used.
So you’re still here…
Congrats, you made it to the end. I hope this little synopsis helped you. Or if you have thoughts or opinions or examples you’d like to share and add, please feel free to comment! This is a journey and I’m learning so I’m always open to constructive and educational feedback.
And for those wondering what sort of research I do when writing these, I don’t always include all my sources as they can get kind of…well, boring and science-y. But here are some articles (some science-y and some more mainstream) that I found and referenced while writing this piece. I take the idea of education and information sharing very seriously so I do put some work into it.
Seeking my Submission 